i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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