so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
