What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
