A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize