you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
