I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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