She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
