She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
