she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
