Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
