I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
