how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
