I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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