for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
