I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
