Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
