Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
