I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
