I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
