i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
