You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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