Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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