We're facebook friends in real life
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
