Slut skills are useful in every country.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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