People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
