I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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