just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
