One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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