I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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