your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
