Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
