I cannot find my penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
