Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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