Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My ass is underappreciated
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
