Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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