Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
