Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
