Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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