Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize