Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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