he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
