it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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