problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
