and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
