He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
