I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
high people should be assigned attendants
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
