what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
