maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
