i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Terrible idea I love it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
