So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
