I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
