The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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