Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
