just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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