I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
