Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
