Umm I'm too high to move.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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