He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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