The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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