Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
