I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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