this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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