My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
