in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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