Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
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The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize