No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I lost the right to judge tonight
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
