her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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