My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
