Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
