reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
